A few disclaimers with this one. Minor spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen "Eclipse" yet and don't want your experience tainted in any way, don't read this! Then call a friend or two and go watch the flick!
Also, while these were all actually overheard, but only some were heard by me. An online Twilight friend of mine heard a couple of these doozies when she went to catch the flick. There is a bit of paraphrasing here and there due to the Edward hotness haze that you will be afflicted with after staring at his beauteous face on the big screen for two hours.
Edward makes a snarky comment about Jacob's chronic half-nakedness: "Doesn't he own a shirt?"
Response from woman in audience: "I'm sure glad he doesn't!"
Bunch of teenage guys watching the movie with dates. One leans over to his buddy and not so quietly whispers, "Dude, that Jacob guy has baby nips.It's creeping me out!"
Edward and Bella are busy celebrating their engagement on the screen. A male voice from the audience pipes up, "Sorry, ladies!"
A group of 40+ year old woman are watching the training scene, oohing and awing until they notice a wardrobe choice. "What the hell? Edward's wearing sweatpants?!?!"
Poo comments - this tends to be a theme when the wolves appear on the screen. "Wouldn't want to clean up my yard after one of those things has been running around."
"Do you think they poop when in wolf form or wait until they are human again?"
"If Bella picked Jacob over Edward, would she be on pooper scooper duty or make him clean up after himself?"
Jacob is snuggling up to keep Bella warm in the tent while Edward watches in agony. "My husband wouldn't let another guy do that. He'd be all, 'Go ahead and freeze your toes off, you don't need all 10 of them.'"
Guy leans over to his wife/girlfriend, "You said only guys can be wolves, so what's up with that chick? Is she really a she-male or something?"
After catching a glimpse of the engagement ring, "Ewwww, you'd think Edward would have better taste. Bella could use that as frickin' brass knuckles!"